IFIO & IFS Couples Therapy
A relational and compassionate approach to understanding patterns, strengthening communication, and deepening connection.
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In-person in Nanaimo, British Columbia · Online across Canada and Internationally
IFIO & IFS in My Couples Work
Relationships can bring us into contact with some of the most meaningful and vulnerable parts of ourselves. They can also activate ways of protecting ourselves that make it difficult to stay connected when we most want to be.
In my work with couples, I primarily draw on Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO), a couples therapy model developed from Internal Family Systems (IFS). IFIO offers a way of understanding not only what happens between partners, but what may be happening within each person as those interactions unfold.
One partner may become critical or frustrated when they do not feel heard. Another may withdraw or become quiet when conflict feels overwhelming. Someone may work hard to resolve things immediately, while their partner needs distance before they can reconnect. Often, each response makes sense when we understand what it is trying to protect.
Rather than deciding who is right or trying to eliminate these reactions, we become curious about the cycle that has developed between you.
As each partner begins to understand their own protective responses and what lies beneath them, there is often more room to see and hear one another differently.
The goal is not a relationship without conflict. It is to develop greater capacity to remain connected to yourself and one another when difficult moments arise.
This work unfolds collaboratively and with respect for both partners. My role is not to take sides, but to help create the conditions where greater understanding, honesty, and connection can emerge.
When People Become Stuck in Familiar Patterns
Over time, even small moments between partners can begin to carry more weight. A disagreement may quickly become about more than what is happening in the moment, shaped by previous interactions, expectations, and the ways each person has learned to protect themselves in relationships.
Often, what is happening on the surface is only part of the story. Anger may be protecting hurt, fear, loneliness, or a longing to feel understood. Withdrawal may emerge from overwhelm, fear of getting something wrong, or an attempt to prevent things from becoming worse. From an IFS and IFIO perspective, these responses are approached with curiosity rather than treated as problems to eliminate.
Together, we slow these interactions down and begin to understand the protective responses each person brings into the relationship and how they interact with one another. As there is more space to understand what is happening beneath the familiar cycle, couples can communicate differently, respond with greater curiosity, and find new ways of reaching one another.
The patterns may still arise, but they no longer have to determine what happens next.
What Couples Sessions Can Look Like
Couples therapy with me often involves slowing conversations down enough to notice what is happening both between you and within each of you. When a familiar interaction begins to emerge, we may pause to explore what each person is experiencing and what may be contributing to the response.
At times, this involves helping one partner better understand their own internal experience. At others, the work may involve supporting one person in sharing something more vulnerable and creating enough space for their partner to hear it differently. We may also explore how earlier relationships and experiences influence what feels particularly sensitive in the present.
Over time, the hope is that you become increasingly able to recognize these patterns as they are happening, communicate what lies beneath them, and find different ways of responding to one another. The aim is not a perfect relationship, but one with greater capacity for honesty, repair, understanding, and connection.
While IFIO provides a central framework for my couples work, my approach is also informed by relational, somatic, humanistic, and trauma-informed perspectives. This allows the work to remain responsive to what emerges between you rather than following a fixed process.
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When This Work May Be a Good Fit
I often work well with couples who care deeply about their relationship and want to understand themselves and one another more fully. Some are navigating recurring conflict or emotional distance, while others communicate well in many areas of their lives but find particular conversations difficult to move through.
Couples may also come to therapy during periods of transition, while considering parenthood or deepening a commitment, or simply because they want to be more intentional about the relationship they are building together.
This work tends to resonate with couples who value curiosity, honesty, and a willingness to look beneath the surface of familiar interactions. You do not need to arrive knowing exactly what needs to change. A willingness to become curious about yourselves, one another, and the relationship is a meaningful place to begin.
Next Steps
If this approach resonates with you, the next step is to book a complimentary 20-minute discovery call. This offers an opportunity to share a little about what brings you to couples therapy, ask questions about how I work, and explore whether working together feels like a good fit.
You do not need to be certain about beginning couples therapy before booking. The conversation can simply be a place to learn more and see how it feels to meet together.
Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO) and IFS-informed couples therapy offered online across Canada and internationally.
I offer online couples therapy across Canada and internationally where appropriate. Meeting online offers greater flexibility around work, travel, and family responsibilities while maintaining the same relational and collaborative approach to our work together.
© 2026 Simon Erlich Counselling & Psychotherapy